


A Law of Nature

by helenamanniing



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Underage Drinking, lots of dumb metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7302793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helenamanniing/pseuds/helenamanniing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s not really something I think about a lot anymore. It’s more like a fact. Like, the sky is blue and water is wet and Camila Cabello is in love with Lauren Jauregui.”</p>
<p>Or: the one with too many metaphors about love</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Law of Nature

**Author's Note:**

> Do you ever just start writing something short and all of a sudden it turns into like a 11000 word thing and you don't have any idea where it went wrong?  
> yup.  
> Anyway, enjoy this story. Sponsored by severe sleep deprivation and lots of thoughts about ice cream.

For Camila it’s instant. She sees the girl and she gets this tiny, funny feeling in her stomach. The girl turns around and looks Camila _right_ in the eyes and for Camila it’s like—it’s like being pushed off the diving board into the pool. Which Camila knows a lot about, unfortunately. For a second she was scared, heart beating fast and feeling like the ground was disappearing beneath her. And then, mid-air she realizes it’s okay. She’s going to fall and it still might hurt when she hits the water, but it’s not like she can _change_ the fact that she’s going to hit the water. No matter how much she might want to (which, weirdly enough, she doesn’t really), Camila can’t change the laws of physics.

Camila is mid-air and frightened, but she smiles at the girl anyway.

*

Camila thinks it must be, like, faith or something. When the only person she knows in this entire new school, Dinah Jane Hansen, drags her over to what she calls ‘the cool table’ for lunch Camila is _so_ convinced that this is not a coincidence. Out of all the people in the entire school, Dinah Jane Hansen is friends with _her_. _The_ girl. Who is now sitting right across from Camila. Camila feels almost happy enough to sing. She doesn’t, because she’s not entirely sure that would make a good first impression, but she feels like it anyway. Dinah is still standing next to Camila, waving a girl over from the other side of the cafeteria.

“Everyone. This is Camila. She just moved here and she’s in my history class.” Dinah turns back to the girls sitting at the table and just when she finishes talking, another girl (the one Dinah just waved over, Camila assumes) joins them as well.

“I’m Ally. You must be new?” The newly-arrived girl says as soon as her eyes fall on Camila. She sticks her hand out and smiles so broadly that Camila almost thinks it’s hurting her cheeks. It’s comforting, though. Camila’s not sure what it is, but the girl has some kind of mom-vibe around her. Which is a little odd, considering she looks to be nearly the shortest person in the cafeteria. Before Camila can answer, someone interrupts.

“I’m Normani.” The girl sitting across from Dinah doesn’t stick her hand out but just nods. Normani is almost intimidatingly pretty, Camila thinks, but she smiles and nods anyway. In the background, Camila hears Dinah repeat her earlier words to Ally, who sat down next to them. Camila’s eyes focus on the last girl.

“Lauren.” She just says and shoots Camila a small smile and even though she barely said anything, Camila thinks that voice might actually be the death of her. Camila just smiles broadly and nods dumbly.

“So, where are you from, Camila?” Ally asks kindly. Camila has only known Ally for about five minutes, but she has a feeling the girl does nearly everything kindly.

“Uhh—I’m from Cuba originally.” Camila tries not to stumble over her words, but the girl—Lauren—is looking at her intently and speaking (or breathing, for that matter) is suddenly not that easy anymore. “But I lived in Tampa for the last few years.” 

“Really? Lauren is Cuban, too!” Ally sounds genuinely excited about it. Camila looks towards Lauren and smiles shyly. Lauren shoots an easy grin back.

Camila feels like falling turns into flying.

*

Camila never expected to make friends on her first day in a new school, but Dinah gets her to tag along to every single one of their outings for the next few weeks. Three months into living in Miami, Camila realizes she has an actual group of friends. She’s a _part_ of this. She’s not sure how and why and _how_ , but she is and Camila thinks it might be the best thing that has ever happened to her.

Camila feels like she has something special with all of them. Ally hugs her every day and Camila has to admit that it’s probably the most comforting thing she’s ever felt. Normani is so freaking _cool_ in everything she does, but she never once makes fun of Camila for being the exact opposite of that. She drags Camila to watch her cheerleading practice on Thursdays on her own when all of their friends are busy with other things and sometimes they hang out afterwards, talking about everything and nothing. Dinah might be one of the best people Camila has ever met. Camila doesn’t even think she can describe how much she loves them after such a short time. The way Ally compliments her simply to make Camila feel better. The way Normani jokes with her in a way that makes Camila feel funnier than she ever has before. The way Dinah only complains a _little_ bit when Camila picks The Notebook for their weekly movie night _again_. The way Dinah introduced her to all of these girls and continued to drag her along until they all gained a special place in her heart. The way Dinah makes absolutely sure to include her in everything that’s happening.

And then there’s Lauren. Who’s she’s just—they’re not really friends. Lauren doesn’t really talk to her that much. They hang out with the rest of the girls and it’s not that Lauren seems to have any kind of problem with Camila, she’s just a little distant. Not even in an unpleasant way. She smiles lazily at Camila just like she does at their other friends and is always polite and friendly. Camila thinks she might be like this with everyone she doesn’t know. Camila minds, but she’s too busy being happy to mind too much.

Oh, right. Lauren also has a boyfriend. Camila tries to ignore the way it makes her heart drop the first time she hears Normani mentioning him. He’s two years older than they are, apparently, and attending college a couple of hours away. Camila thinks it could have been worse. She could’ve been forced to look at them kissing each other every single day at school.

*

 They get invited to a party. It’s at this girl’s beach house, because apparently that’s a thing that people actually do here. Lauren wears shorts and a bikini top and Camila forgets how to breathe for a couple of seconds, but that’s all okay.

“Happy birthday.” Camila congratulates Taylor, even though they’re not really friends. Taylor pulls her into a hug anyway. The party has really only been going on for an hour or so, but Taylor seems to have already had a considerable amount to drink. Camila doesn’t mind, though, just smiles happily and goes to find her friends again. She finds Dinah and Normani standing in the kitchen. Dinah hands her a drink as soon as they spot her.

“What’s this?” Camila asks, eyeing the drink suspiciously. Camila doesn’t have a lot of experience with alcohol. Dinah just shrugs and takes a big gulp from her own cup. Camila takes a small sip. It’s fruity, but it still burns in Camila’s throat. She actually enjoys it, though. She takes a bigger sip this time and tries to relax.

Camila finishes her first drink pretty quickly and Normani hands her another one. It tastes different, but still good enough for Camila to continue drinking it. Ally and Lauren join them in the kitchen and they’re all just sitting around drinking and talking and laughing. Camila thinks she might just like parties after all.

Dinah perks up when she hears a good song come on and she drags Normani with her to the dance floor. Lauren slips away somewhere in between Dinah’s yelling and Camila tries to tell herself she doesn’t care. She stays behind with Ally, sipping at what is probably her fourth—fifth?—drink and giggling over silly things. Camila gets up after a while, she just feels like she _really_ needs to pee all of a sudden. Ally nods and meets up with Normani and Dinah on the dancefloor and Camila tries to remember if she’s seen a bathroom anywhere.

Once Camila has found the bathroom and used it, she goes back to the kitchen to get herself another drink. She already feels light-headed and giddy and she’s pretty sure she’s not walking in a straight line anymore, but Camila likes it and she wants to keep it going so she mixes together some things that sound good and sips on the drink slowly as she watches her friends. She wanders towards the open doors at the back of the house, revealing the beach. Some Christmas lights light up the part of the beach closest to the house and there’s people scattered everywhere. A few groups of teens smoking cigarettes (and other things) and some just talking. A girl from Camila’s chemistry class strikes up a conversation and Camila finds that she talks so much easier when she’s got a couple of drinks in her.

Camila excuses herself when she spots a figure sitting in the sand by herself further away, closer to the ocean. Camila thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous she recognizes Lauren from this distance even though it’s really fucking dark and she’s pretty fucking drunk, but whatever. She slams back the last of her drink and places the solo cup on a table somewhere before moving towards Lauren.

“Hey.” She says softly when she’s a few feet away. Lauren doesn’t seem surprised. She doesn’t even turn around. She just nods at Camila when she drops down next to her.

“What are you doing here?” If she’s being completely honest, Camila is just a tiny bit worried. Lauren is sitting all by herself, clearly having removed herself from the party. For a second Camila thinks that might actually mean she doesn’t want to be around anyone, including Camila, but she quickly dismisses that thought.

“Looking.” Lauren’s voice comes out raspier than usual, but she doesn’t sound particularly emotional. She just sounds calm. At ease.

“At what?” Camila asks, because she’s curious and because she wants Lauren to keep talking like that.

“The stars.” This time Lauren sounds almost reverent. Camila blames the alcohol for it, but she finds herself thinking she wants to discover every single way Lauren’s voice can sound. Camila doesn’t answer, but lets herself fall back into the sand so she’s lying down.

“You can see them better like this.” She whispers. Lauren chuckles, but lays down next to her anyway. Camila decides to count that as a win.

“I like the stars.” Lauren makes it sound like it’s a secret and Camila feels almost _special_ for hearing it.

“Why?” For a second, she’s sure Lauren’s going to laugh at her. Who the hell would ask _why_ someone likes the stars?! Lauren doesn’t laugh. And when she speaks, she sounds nothing short of serious.

“They’re beautiful. They seem unchanging, but they’re not. Stars die all the time. Others are born. There’s constants, like the big and the little dipper, but there’s also stars that we see that aren’t even actually there anymore.” Camila thinks that if she hadn’t already kind of been, that speech probably would have made her fall in love. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of hearing Lauren speak, but _this_ —having Lauren speak directly to Camila about something that sounds so real and important. Camila thinks she wouldn’t ever be able to get used to something like that.

“Wow.” Camila just breathes. She tries so hard not to look at Lauren. Keeps her eyes trained firmly on the stars above them. She hears Lauren chuckle softly.

“I think I like the stars as well.” Camila admits. She feels Lauren’s eyes burning holes into her cheeks. She can see the older girl smiling in her peripheral vision and Camila thinks this might be the best moment of her entire night.

“Why?” Camila is kind of tempted to answer that it’s because of Lauren, but she doesn’t. In fact, she doesn’t really answer at all. Before she even gets a chance to, Normani is plopping down next to her. Dinah and Ally sit down next to Lauren.

“What up, losers.” Dinah breaks the silence and they all giggle, even though nothing is funny. Camila and Lauren sit up and all of their friends scoot closer until they’re all sitting shoulder-to-shoulder. They can hear the faint music coming from the house and sometimes Ally or Dinah or Normani will sing along, but other than that they’re mostly quiet. She’s changed her mind. This is definitely the best moment of the entire night.

*

After that, things kind of change. Not drastically. Camila’s not even sure anyone notices it happening except for her. It’s a small change, really. Lauren just seems more _open_. She talks to Camila even when the other girls aren’t around and Camila feels like they’re really becoming friends. Actual friends instead of the we-hang-out-with-the-same-people-so-what-choice-do-we-have-type of friends they were before. Not that Camila wasn’t happy before. This is just better.

Lauren invites her to one of her softball games. It’s an important one, she tells Camila with a wink. Only when she gets there does Camila realize the other girls aren’t there. She can vaguely recall Normani and Dinah telling Lauren they had to spend time with their family, but then Lauren had turned her questioning eyes towards Camila and everything after that is blank.

Camila would, normally, be out of there the second she realized she doesn’t have anyone to sit with. Her eyes are scanning the field when she catches Lauren’s and the smile she receives from the green-eyed girl basically makes the decision for her. Camila doesn’t really stand a chance. She smiles back and finds a spot on the bleachers.

Honestly, Camila isn’t interested in sports. Like, at _all_. Softball isn’t really an exception. She doesn’t understand half the rules to this game and she’s not even really sure who’s winning, but when Lauren hits a home-run and her eyes instantly search out Camila’s on the bleachers—Well, Camila thinks she might be attending a couple more games in the future.

*

“Hey.” Lauren is still kind of sweaty from her game, but she’s grinning widely. Camila leans up against the railing around the bleachers and grins right back.

“Hi. You played well.” Lauren kind of snorts at that.

“Like you would know.” There’s a teasing twinkle in her eye. The one she gets when she’s talking to Normani or Dinah or Ally sometimes. Or Camila, apparently.

“How dare you. I happen to be a softball _expert_.” Camila says in mock-indignation, but that just makes Lauren laugh louder. Camila is content to watch Lauren laugh, even though it lasts so long that it could almost be considered insulting.

“I’m just going to take a quick shower. If you want, we can go grab some ice cream?” Lauren sounds casual and non-committal, but it makes Camila’s heart speed up anyway.

“Yeah.” Camila sounds a lot less casual and non-committal, but Lauren doesn’t seem to mind. She just grins easily and starts for the locker room.

Lauren is already coming back from the locker room by the time Camila has finally gotten her heart back under control.

*

Lauren doesn’t have a favorite ice cream flavor, she tells Camila. Camila thinks it’s absolutely crazy when the green-eyed girl just tells the guy behind the counter to ‘surprise her’. She ends up getting some type of green apple-cheesecake flavor.

“How can you not have a favorite flavor?” Camila questions later, when they’re sitting on a bench just outside the ice cream place. Lauren just shrugs her shoulders, smiles around the spoon in her mouth.

“I don’t know. How can you have a favorite flavor if you haven’t even tried everything yet?” It’s a good question, really. A lot better than Camila’s anyway.

“Well, I know I like bananas. I don’t know it I like green apple-cheesecake.” Camila smirks and gestures towards Lauren’s half-eaten ice cream. Lauren chuckles. She thinks Lauren’s laugh somehow sounds better whenever Camila is the cause of it.

“Right. But what if there’s something you like even more than you like bananas, but you wouldn’t even know because you never tried it?” Lauren makes so much sense sometimes that it’s kind of annoying. Camila huffs and focuses back on her ice cream.

“Whatever. I’ll never betray my bananas.” Camila says dramatically, taking an extra large bite of her ice cream for added effect. Lauren laughs loudly at that and shrugs again.

“Alright. I’m not trying to corrupt your relationship with bananas.” She teases. The wink she gives Camila is just completely unfair, Camila thinks. She hides her blush by swallowing another bite of ice cream and thinks that if Lauren were to ask for some reason, she would give up bananas for the rest of her life.

*

After that, Camila attends every single one of Lauren’s games. Sometimes the other girls join her. Most of the time she goes alone. Lauren doesn’t really comment on it, but she always finds Camila’s eyes on the bleachers and smiles at her and Camila thinks that says enough.

Afterwards they always go for ice cream. Camila still gets banana every time, but she allows Lauren to spoon-feed her bites of other flavors as well.

Camila is so used to falling by now she barely even notices it’s happening any more. She stops wondering when she’s going to hit the water altogether.

*

“No. I’m sorry, Camila, but we’re going out to dinner with the family.” Camila is ready to _cry_ and scream all at the same time.

“But it’s _my_ birthday! Why don’t I get to do what I want?” Camila makes a pretty good point, if she does say so herself. Her mother doesn’t answer, but her look has so much finality in it that Camila already knows she’s lost this argument. This isn’t at all how this day was supposed to go. She loves her family, don’t get her wrong, but she just wanted to spend some time with her friends. She doesn’t even understand why her parents are being like this. It’s not at all like them.

**Camila** : Sorry guys, gotta go out to dinner with the parents tonight. I’ll see u tomorrow maybe?

Camila taps out the text and presses send. Before she’s even able to place her phone back on the couch, Dinah is already answering. She’s always the first one to reply in their group chat.

**Dinah** : What the FUCK, Walz.  
**Dinah:** Who do they think they r

**Ally:** That’s too bad, Mila. L Have fun, tho.

The replies instantly make her smile. Normani and Lauren don’t reply until a few hours later, both expressing their sadness about the situation as well. Camila still doesn’t like it, but she has to admit she still kind of has fun at her favourite restaurant with her parents. When her father’s car pulls up to their home, she’s so caught up in thinking about her friends that she doesn’t even notice all of the lights are off in her house, even the one in the hallway that she _definitely_ hadn’t turned off. As soon as she opens the door to the living room, however, the lights turn back on and she hears a collective scream of,

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” Camila blinks a couple of times to let her eyes adjust to the sudden light. All of her friends are standing in her living room. Normani, Dinah, Ally and Lauren grinning at her proudly, surrounded by other people from school. Camila hears her mom snicker behind her and turns around immediately, staring at her mom with a look of wide-eyed surprise. Her mom laughs louder this time and Camila can see her father suppressing a smirk as well. Sofi is standing with their father, looking just as surprised as Camila does.

“Happy birthday, mija. We’re going to stay with your aunt and uncle tonight so don’t worry. Don’t burn down the house, please.” Her mother hugs her quickly before walking back towards the door. Camila is still just kind of trying to comprehend what the hell is going on around her. Before she can turn around, she feels four pairs of arms wrapping around her.

“Do you really think we wouldn’t throw you a party?” She hears Dinah yelling into her ear. On the other side of the room, music is turned on. Once her friends let her go, Camila looks around the living room again. There’s balloons hanging from the ceiling and a big banner that says ‘CAMILA CABELLO’s 17TH BIRTHDAY’ on the wall. Camila’s heart swells at the thought of her friends doing this for her.

“I love you guys.” She says as sincerely as possible and they all grin at her. The moment only lasts for a few seconds until Dinah lets out a whoop.

“Let’s get this party STARTED!” She yells out and then Camila is laughing so loudly it almost drowns out the music.

*

Camila is pretty sure her parents wouldn’t have approved of this party if they had known there would be alcohol. But Camila’s parents aren’t here right now and Camila happens to kind of enjoy alcohol so. Camila tries to greet everyone at the party, thanking them for coming and grinning widely. By the time her head is pretty much spinning from the amount of hugs she received, she retreats back to the living room where her girls are living it up on the dancefloor. Camila chugs the rest of the drink in her hand and joins them. Talking to everyone took a little longer than she expected and she already has a couple of drinks flowing through her system.

Camila doesn’t usually really like dancing, but with all her best friends grinning happily and Lauren’s hand brushing her hip every few minutes, Camila thinks she could get used to it. After a few songs she tries to excuse herself to get another drink, but the girls just shrug and follow her into the kitchen. Dinah lifts herself on the counter while Camila prepares herself a drink that has enough alcohol to get drunk, but not enough to actually taste it through the sickly sweet juice that she mixes it with. Lauren looks at her with an easy smile.

People start trickling out a few hours later. It’s 3AM when only the real die-hards are still around. Ally is fast asleep on the couch, seemingly unbothered by the music. Dinah and Normani are still dancing in the middle of the living room. Camila looks around and decides to look for Lauren. She has a feeling she knows where the girl is. She’s kind of having a hard time walking without falling over, but she makes it to her yard anyway. She recognizes Lauren’s silhouette sitting on the grass. She smiles at how much it reminds her of Taylor’s birthday party. She stumbles over to Lauren. Lauren’s head snaps up when she gets close and she grins widely. Camila isn’t the only one who had a couple of drinks and she can see it in Lauren’s eyes.

“Do you always sit outside on your own at parties?” Camila’s voice sounds a little giggly. She feels a little giggly. She lets herself fall down next to Lauren, wincing when the ground is actually a lot harder than she thought it would be. Lauren chuckles at her.

“I like just having a quiet moment at the end of the night sometimes.” Lauren’s voice is so soft. It sounds like another secret and Camila’s heart swells with it. They’re both quiet for a few moments, staring up at the stars. Camila doesn’t tell her, but ever since that first party, stars always remind her of Lauren.

“I have something for you, Camz.” Camila immediately sits up. Lauren had first called her by the nickname a couple of weeks earlier. Normani had told her it wasn’t a good nickname and that Mila made so much more sense, but Lauren just rolled her eyes and kept using it.

“Where?” Camila questions immediately. Who cares that she’s just turned 17, gifts are great no matter how old you are.

“It’s in your room, actually.” Camila is pretty drunk and her back yard is pretty dark, but she’s pretty sure she can see Lauren blushing.

“My room?” Camila thinks back to the last time she cleaned her room. She tries not to worry about the fact that she can’t recall.

“I didn’t know where to put it and I wanted it to be somewhere all the partygoers wouldn’t get to it.” Lauren explains herself. Camila nods understandingly and before she knows it, Lauren is standing before her with her hand outstretched.

“Let’s go.” Camila grabs Lauren’s hand and nods.

“Okay.” Lauren doesn’t let go of her hand once Camila is standing and Camila’s pretty grateful for it. Partly because Lauren’s hand in hers makes her feel all kinds of things, but also just because walking hasn’t really gotten any easier and having something to hold onto is nice. They walk through the living room and find Normani and Dinah passed out on the couch next to Ally, all three of them squeezed together. Lauren smiles lovingly at them and walks over to the sound system to turn off the music. Camila waits, completely caught up in looking at Lauren looking at their friends. After Lauren has tucked them in with a blanket she found behind the couch, she continues towards Camila’s room. She doesn’t take Camila’s hand again, but Camila blames the empty feeling on the alcohol. They’re both quiet as they enter the bedroom. Camila turns on the light and the calm Lauren emanates is so prominent that she doesn’t even worry about how messy her room is. Lauren walks over to a wrapped gift on Camila’s bed, picking it up carefully.

“Don’t expect too much.” Lauren laughs self-deprecatingly as she presses the gift in Camila’s hands. Camila doesn’t answer. She’s not sure she trusts her voice right now. She smiles at Lauren, though and hopes that it conveys what she wants to say. She looks down at the present in her hands. The wrapping paper has little bananas on it and Camila can’t help but smile. Only Lauren would put so much effort in something so simple as wrapping paper. Camila has never been careful with unwrapping a gift in her life, but she takes her time with this one. She can see that Lauren is anxious, notices the fidgeting hands from the corner of her eye. She speeds up a little, carefully tearing the paper off to reveal a small box. Camila opens it and inside is a—a plectrum? Camila is a little confused. She looks up at Lauren, who looks back with a small blush while she gets up.

“Remember a couple of weeks ago when we got ice cream and I asked you what you’ve always wanted to do?” Camila has a feeling where this is going and oh my god. How is this happening to her? Lauren doesn’t wait for her to answer, “I kind of expected you to say something like travel the world, but you said you really wanted to learn to play the guitar.” Lauren has moved towards the other side of the room and opens the door to Camila’s bathroom and reaches for something.

“So. Here you go.” Lauren finishes, her voice kind of trailing off awkwardly as she trusts a guitar case Camila’s way. Camila’s pretty sure her mouth falls open, but she can’t help it. Lauren got her a _guitar_.

“Lauren—What?” Camila is pretty sure she’s actually dreaming. This cannot actually be happening. Lauren looks at her with a smile that Camila has never seen before, though, and Camila thinks there is no way her brain would ever be able to come up with something so beautiful.

“How did you—This is—I can’t accept this, Lauren.” Camila stumbles over her words. She gets up, almost without even wanting to and takes a step towards Lauren. Lauren smiles one of her easy smiles, but it’s more loaded somehow.

“Of course you can. To be perfectly honest, it’s kind of second-hand. I know this guy who fixes up guitars. He got me a pretty steep discount and he also did this.” Lauren stars unzipping the case, revealing the guitar. It takes Camila’s breath away all over again. Lauren takes the guitar out of its case carefully and points at something on the neck. Camila leans in further, tries to focus on what Lauren is trying to show her instead of Lauren herself. Right there, carved into the wood of the guitar are initials. _Her_ initials. And Dinah’s, Normani’s, Ally’s and Lauren’s.

“How—I—what” Camila wants to _thank_ Lauren. Lauren doesn’t answer Camila’s stuttering, but puts the guitar back into the case and places it against the wall. She looks a little insecure, like she’s not sure she got the right gift. Camila almost wants to laugh at how actually ridiculous that notion is. She throws her arms around Lauren’s neck before she can even think about it.

“ _Thank_ you, Lo.” Camila mumbles against her skin. Lauren’s arms wrap around her waist and she hums softly. Camila thinks there was no way in the world she ever could have known this girl without falling in love with her.

*

Camila wakes up the next morning wrapped up in Lauren and all of a sudden she feels something that she doesn’t usually feel with Lauren. It’s sadness. Longing. She looks at Lauren. How peaceful her face looks when she’s still sleeping and she _wants_ this. Every day and every night and just _always_.

She’s loved Lauren ever since she met the girl and she’s so at peace with the fact that she is that she doesn’t often realize how hopeless her situation is.

Camila thinks she might see the water beginning to come closer. She’s so afraid she’s going to drown, but then Lauren’s eyes open and the first thing she does is smile at Camila and Camila thinks that drowning because of Lauren might be the best way to go.

*

Camila kind of needs to talk about it with someone. She’s still feeling the aftershocks of her birthday and she can’t help but feel sad sometimes when she looks at Lauren. She doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to associate someone so amazingly good with a feeling that bad, but she can’t help it. She’s alright most of the time, really, but then _he_  comes along. Camila knew, in the back of her mind, that they had been dating. But since he was always so far away, Camila could forget. Except now he’s not far away. He’s sitting right across from her in _their_ ice cream place. Fucking _Luis_ and his goddamn smiling face.

Camila never used to think she was a particularly jealous or violent person, but when he sees Luis putting his hand on Lauren’s lower back when they walk into the ice cream shop she wants nothing more than to punch that stupid smile off his face. Camila doesn’t even enjoy her banana ice cream. She makes up some lame excuse about not feeling well and takes the bus home.

She _really_ needs to talk about this to someone.

*

 “I’m in love with Lauren.” The words just tumble right out of her mouth and into the air. Dinah and her are laying on her bed, having what Dinah calls boy-talk. When Dinah asks her about Camila’s love-life, she just can’t help herself. It was kind of the plan anyway. Still, Camila’s first instinct is to get up and run away as fast as possible, but she suppresses it and stays seated. She doesn’t clarify or move to look at Dinah. She just waits.

“Wait, what.” Dinah says, eventually. She doesn’t sound disapproving, just genuinely surprised and confused.

“I’m in love with Lauren.” Camila repeats and it only hits her then that it’s the first (second) time in her life that she’s spoken the words. It doesn’t really make a difference, Camila thinks. She’s never understood people saying that things only become more real once you say the words. Being in love with Lauren had been real from the very first second.

“How—When?” Camila doesn’t really know how to answer that. She can’t really recall a time where she wasn’t in love with Lauren.

“I don’t know. Always, I think.” Camila sounds so much calmer than she feels. It’s not that she’s actually scared Dinah isn’t going to accept her. It’s just—it’s just weird to talk about.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Dinah sits up and now she mostly just sounds accusing. Camila can’t help but smile softly at it. She feels like shrugging again. She honestly doesn’t know why she hadn’t told Dinah. It just hadn’t ever come up.

“It was—It wasn’t on purpose. It’s just—“ Camila tries to explain it, but words seem to fail her. She huffs and tries again. “It’s not really something I think about a lot anymore. It’s more like a fact. Like, the sky is blue and water is wet and Camila Cabello is in love with Lauren Jauregui.” Camila only realizes then that it’s exactly what she’s feeling. Loving Lauren feels like something unchangeable. Something that will always be there. Not particularly painful (not always anyway), just there. Sure, the last few weeks it had been a little tougher, but overall Camila wasn’t hurting that much over it.

“Wow.” Dinah says. She’s looking a little worried, but then a small smile breaks through.

“Never knew you were such a sap, Walz.” It makes Camila laugh and she tries to shove Dinah.

“Okay, okay. Just kidding.” Dinah’s smile grows and Camila already kind of knows what’s coming before she says it, “Your favourite movie is The Notebook, of course I knew you were a sap.” Camila just laughs louder and shoves Dinah once again.

Their laughter dies down after a while. Dinah breaks the silence hesitantly,

“So. Lauren huh. I’m not sure whether she likes—“ Camila interrupts her before she can finish. She might not be hurting that much, yet, but she’s not how well she can deal with hearing it.

“She doesn’t like girls, I don’t think.” Camila used to spend a lot of time thinking about it, back at the beginning. To be perfectly honest she never thought Lauren would feel the same way. It was another fact. The sky is blue, water is wet, Camila Cabello is in love with Lauren Jauregui and Lauren Jauregui doesn’t feel the same. Camila thinks it might’ve hurt more if it was someone else. With Lauren, though, it’s like she’s just happy to be in love with her. She’s just happy that someone like Lauren exists, with all her smart words and pretty smiles.

“I’m sorry, Mila.” Dinah sounds so sincere that Camila feels like she could cry because of it. Maybe it has more to do with the topic of conversation. Either way, Camila decides Dinah is the best person she possibly could’ve told.

*

After that, things basically go back to normal. Camila sometimes finds herself staring longingly at Lauren, but now Dinah is there to snap her out of it. Camila and Lauren still get ice cream together and Luis doesn’t come along anymore, which is good.

There’s still a month of school to go until the summer when the girls bring it up. Apparently Mani’s parents have a beach house not too far from Miami and in between visiting family in Texas and softball camps, the girls get away there for about a week every year. They invite Camila without even thinking twice about it and it makes Camila feel so happy she says yes without even asking her parents.

Her parents say yes, as well. They make her promise about a million things and Camila knows she’s going to break at least half of these promises the second she makes them, but she makes them anyway.

Camila doesn’t think she’s ever been more excited for anything.

*

The last month of school flies by and before Camila knows it she’s squeezed in between Ally and Dinah in Lauren’s car and she can’t even control the smile on her face. They’re all kind of singing along to some song on the radio and the excitement is almost palpable in the air.

Ally, Normani and Dinah had all gone to visit their families in the weeks before, so Camila hadn’t seen them in a while and she had missed them so much it was ridiculous. Lauren hadn’t been present either, being away at softball camp. Camila thinks she might have missed her even more somehow.

Right now, however, they have an entire week ahead of them and when they pull up to the beach house Camila feels something settle in her chest. It’s the same feeling she got at Taylor’s party and she’s felt so many times around these girls. She feels like she’s home.

*

After unloading all of their stuff from the car, they sit around the kitchen for a bit. Somehow it gets decided that Ally and Dinah will room together and that Normani gets her own room, considering it’s her house. Camila doesn’t even realize what’s happening until Lauren throws her arm around Camila’s shoulder and says,

“I guess you’re my new roomie for the week, then.” With a brilliant smirk. Dinah shoots an apologetic look towards Camila, but Camila gives a reassuring smile. She’s not really feeling that reassured, if she’s being honest. Lauren tends to have that effect on her.

*

Later that afternoon, they take a walk across the beach. Well, actually, Camila jumped on Dinah’s back as soon as they left the house. Walking is for losers. They stroll close to the ocean, letting their bare feet wander into the water every now and then. Normani tells them childhood stories about the times she spent here with her family, even though Camila knows she’s the only one who hasn’t heard them before. Dinah tells all of them loud and happy stories about her loud and happy family and sometimes she moves her arms so much Camila has to hold on extra tightly so she doesn’t fall off.

When Ally tells stories about her family, they all coo and try to pinch her cheeks.

“Ally, you adorable as fuck sometimes.” Dinah says and Ally doesn’t even scold her for her language. By the time they arrive back at the house the sun is already beginning to set and Camila’s stomach makes itself known by growling loudly. The girls all laugh, but agree that they are hungry as well. They order pizza and sit down on the porch to eat it.

“This might be my favourite place in the world.” Normani sighs through a bite of pizza. They all nod and sigh contently.

“By the way! Troy finally asked me to be his girlfriend.” Ally says all of a sudden and all the girls let out whoops and hollers and congratulations. Ally is blushing profusely, with a wide smile on her face. The girl had gone on a couple of dates with Troy, but they had yet to make it official.

“At least you’re not the only boring one, now, Lo.” Dinah says with a large grin. Camila sees Normani subtly trying to kick her shin under the table and furrows her brows. Before she can wonder any more, though, Lauren awkwardly clears her throat.

“Actually, uh—Luis and I broke up.” Normani obviously already knew this information, just giving Lauren a sad smile from across the porch. Dinah immediately starts apologizing and Ally doesn’t say anything, but just walks over to give Lauren a hug. And Camila—Camila isn’t entirely sure how to feel. Lauren doesn’t seem particularly upset about it, but Camila knows that appearances can’t always be trusted, especially not with Lauren.

Camila decides to wait until later to bring it up. They’ve retreated to their room and are getting ready for bed. Lauren is already wearing her PJ’s, which are really just shorts and an old t-shirt but whatever.

“Are you okay? About the whole Luis thing.” Lauren looks a little surprised that Camila is bringing it up. Honestly, Camila is as well.

“I guess.” Lauren doesn’t sound very convincing, but Camila doesn’t really know what to say. She places her hand on Lauren’s shoulder in a gesture that she hopes is comforting. A very small smile appears on Lauren’s lips, so Camila thinks it might be working. Lauren steps away and continues getting ready for bed. Camila sighs softly and does so as well.

After the light is turned off, Camila stares into the darkness for a while. After what must have been at least thirty minutes, she hears a sniffle. Even though it’s barely audible, it makes Camila’s heart break.

“Lo?” She whispers into the night. For a second, she considers that Lauren might not want her to know she’s crying. But Camila doesn’t think she could even ignore this if she wanted to. She hears sheets rustle on the other side of the room, feet padding towards her.

“I’m no—not okay, Camz.” Lauren’s voice breaks and Camila does the only thing that makes sense. She lifts her sheets and allows Lauren to slip between them. Lauren clings to her like a koala, wrapping her arms around Camila’s waist and burying her face in Camila’s neck. Camila holds her tightly. She can feel  tears beginning to soak her shirt, but honestly Camila couldn’t care less.

“He cheated.” Lauren mumbles it into her neck. It takes a while for the words to really hit Camila, but then she’s clenching her fists and seeing red. She doesn’t think she’s _ever_ been this angry.

“I’m going to punch him in the face.” Camila’s voice is strained, her jaw clenched tightly. She had never really liked the guy, but this—this is something else entirely. Camila honestly never thought she would hate someone, but Luis fucking Santos just proved her wrong.

“Maybe it’s my own fault.” Lauren whispers and it’s like all of that anger is placed on a back burner. It’s there, it is _definitely_ still there, but it’s nothing compared to the heartbreak that Camila feels at Lauren blaming herself for this.

“No.” Camila breathes. “No, no, no. This is absolutely not your fault, you hear me?” Lauren pulls back a bit. She looks into Camila’s eyes. The look in the green eyes breaks Camila’s heart all over again.

“He is an asshole for doing this to you. Do not think for even one second that this is your fault.” Camila reaches out to wipe some tears off Lauren’s cheeks, tries to convey how serious she is by looking into Lauren’s eyes.

“He always said I was too distant. When we broke up, he said it was doomed from the start.” Camila can’t fucking believe this guy.

“Lo, he _cheated_ on you. He’s a dickface.” Camila knows she’s said the right thing when she sees a tiny smile on Lauren’s face. It disappears quickly after, but it’s better than nothing.

“Honestly, I wish I could make you see what I see. You have done nothing wrong.” Camila lets her thumb brush over Lauren’s cheek. Lauren doesn’t answer. They lay there in silence for a while. Lauren cuddles into Camila again and they fall asleep like that.

*

The next day they mostly just laze around on the beach. Lauren is pretty quiet, but not necessarily in a bad way. Camila can see her thinking about things, but every time she catches Camila’s eyes she smiles softly to let her know she’s okay. The others seem to notice Lauren’s silence as well, but no one mentions it. Camila loves them so much for that.

They make a campfire on the beach and settle around it in the sand. They roast some marshmallows and Ally tries (and fails miserably) to tell a ghost story. They all just end up laughing uncontrollably, Ally pouting and trying to convince them that it was scary.

That night, Lauren and Camila sleep separately again. Camila is happy, because it must mean Lauren is feeling better. Camila is sad, because she misses Lauren’s arms around her.

*

On the fifth night, they have a party. Camila doesn’t know any of the people invited. She doesn’t particularly mind, though. Dinah mysteriously disappears and Ally half-whispers, half-giggles into Camila’s ear that it happens every year.

The week had flown by. Camila knows she still has this night and tomorrow night, but she can’t help but feel that there’s not nearly enough time left. Camila wishes they could stay here. Lauren had been doing better after the second day, seemingly back to her old self. Camila can’t deny that she’s still pretty angry at Luis, but she doesn’t think tracking the guy down just to test her admittedly very, very unimpressive upper body strength by trying to beat him up, would do much good.

A few drinks into the night, Camila is talking to a bunch of people she’s never met before. She suspects they’re all pretty tipsy as well, because they laugh at every one of her jokes. Dinah had come back from her bedroom with a purple bruise under her right ear. She had blushed furiously when someone brought it up, but the way she grinned happily at the same time warmed Camila’s heart. All she wanted was for her friends to be happy and she could see that this—this party in this house with these people—made them happy.

Inevitably, Camila ends up looking for Lauren. She’s not worried when she can’t find her in the kitchen or living room, but when her eyes scan the entire visible beach around the house without any result, she’s starting to freak out just a bit. She ends up checking their room, even though she doesn’t expect Lauren to be there. When she knocks on the door, however, she hears Lauren telling her to come in.

“Hey.” Camila walks into the room. Lauren is sitting on her bed, reading. It’s not that late yet and the fact that Lauren has already removed herself from the party, not just for looking at the stars but genuinely to go do something else entirely, worries Camila more than she cares to admit.

“Hey.” Lauren smiles a lazy smile, but it doesn’t look as happy as it usually does. Camila shuffles a little closer to Lauren’s bed and perches herself on the edge of it. Lauren keeps looking at Camila.

“Are you okay?” Camila asks genuinely. Lauren seems to think about it for a while. Lauren does that a lot. Thinking about what she’s going to say. Camila likes it, thinks it shows how much Lauren cares about other people. She thinks it shows that when Lauren tells you something, she genuinely really means it and she’s actually put in effort to give you a real answer to your question.

“I don’t know.” Lauren says eventually. “I think I’m okay, but that makes me feel not okay.” Camila tilts her head. It’s an answer cryptic enough to confuse her when she’s sober, but now the world is kind of spinning and she honestly has no idea what Lauren means.

“I’m not actually sad about Luis at all. I was sad about the fact that he cheated on me and I felt horrible about that, but the fact that it was over didn’t really bother me. I was actually planning on breaking up with him for a while. But now I feel kind of guilty for not feeling sad about it. Like he was right, that it was doomed from the start, or something.” It’s the first time since that first night that Lauren has even mentioned Luis and Camila honestly regrets drinking all of those fruity drinks. She should’ve stayed sober to help Lauren, even if she hadn’t actually known Lauren needed her help at the time.

“It’s okay. Just because you’re not sad about dumping that trash-can of a human being doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.” Camila tries to make her words sound just as thoughtful and sincere as Lauren’s. She scoots a little closer to Lauren and tries to think about what to say next, “I don’t know much about your relationship, but I know you and I know that you wouldn’t have been with him for that long if he didn’t mean something to you at one point. Don’t feel guilty for not feeling like that anymore.” Camila doesn’t really know what she’s saying. The words just kind of come out of her, but Lauren looks at her gratefully so maybe she did okay. Lauren pulls Camila down into a hug. It’s a bit awkward, because Lauren is kind of half-laying down and Camila is still kind of sitting while her upper body just rests on top of Lauren, but they kind of shift into a cuddling position and that is so much better. They lay there in silence until Lauren seems to notice something on the other side of the room.

“Oh, by the way,  I noticed that you brought your guitar. How is the learning going?” She sounds so excited about it. Camila’s drunken brain can’t stop coming up with new words for how much she’s in love with her.

“It’s alright. I know a few songs.” The learning is actually going a lot better than Camila expected.

“Show me?” Camila thinks she might literally jump off a building if Lauren asked her in that voice, but at the same time she really doesn’t want Lauren to stop cuddling her because she’s afraid that once they stop, they’re not going to start again. So Camila lets out a fake yawn and tries to sound sleepy when she says,

“Tomorrow, yeah? I’m, like, really tired right now.” Camila’s not sure if Lauren believes her, but the girl agrees and nuzzles Camila’s shoulder so she also doesn’t really give a shit anymore. Camila _is_ actually pretty tired, so it wasn’t a complete lie, but she doesn’t go to sleep. She hears Lauren’s breathing slow and she feels her chest rise and fall steadily. Camila tries to keep her eyes open for as long as possible. Tries to remember everything about this moment. She knows it’s pathetic, but she also knows this is all she’s going to get.

*

The next day they spend with just the five of them. They watch a few movies and sit around on the beach. Even though it’s their last night at the house, they all split up. Ally goes to skype her boyfriend and Normani and Dinah are ‘going out’. Lauren tells Camila to grab her guitar and follow her to the beach. Camila isn’t actually a fan of bringing her guitar out to the beach, but Lauren asks her so she does it anyway.

“Play for me?” Lauren asks. They’re sitting only a few feet away from the ocean and the sound of it calms Camila. She takes out her guitar and places it on her lap. She tries to think of a song to play that will make this moment special, but she only knows a very minimal amount of songs. Eventually, she just decides to play the first thing that comes to mind.

As soon as she plays the intro to Give Me Love, she sees the recognition in Lauren’s eyes. Lauren admitted very early on in their friendship that she didn’t listen to Ed Sheeran that much. It’s not that she doesn’t like him, but she just prefers more indie rock type of things. Camila had gotten the girl to listen to Ed Sheeran whenever they went out together, anyway, because Camila did really love the ginger-haired Brit.

Camila sings along to the song softly,

_Give me love like her,_  
_'Cause lately I've been waking up alone,_  
_Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,_  
_Told you I'd let them go,_  
_And that I'll fight my corner,_  
_Maybe tonight I'll call ya,_  
_After my blood turns into alcohol,_  
_No, I just wanna hold ya._  
  
_Give a little time to me or burn this out,_  
_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_  
_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love._  
  
_Give me love like never before,_  
_'Cause lately I've been craving more,_  
_And it's been a while but I still feel the same,_  
_Maybe I should let you go,_  
_You know I'll fight my corner,_  
_And that tonight I'll call ya,_  
_After my blood is drowning in alcohol,_  
_No I just wanna hold ya._  
  
_Give a little time to me or burn this out,_  
_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_  
_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_Give a little time to me, or burn this out,_  
_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_  
_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_  
_My my, my, my, oh give me love._

“That was beautiful, Camila.” Lauren says and Camila doesn’t recognize her tone. Camila can’t look at her, looks out over the sea instead. Camila also doesn’t recognize the feeling burning in her chest right now. She feels raw. Lauren doesn’t say anything else, but gets up and turns around to go back to the house. When she’s a few feet away, it happens.

“I’m in love with you.” Camila’s voice is so soft that she’s almost sure Lauren didn’t even hear her, but then she hears Lauren’s breath hitch behind her. Neither of them says anything else and when Camila looks around, she sees Lauren’s silhouette walking away.

Camila hits the water. She drowns.

*

They don’t talk to each other the next morning. When Camila wakes up, all of Lauren’s stuff is already packed and the girl herself is nowhere to be found. Camila looks into the mirror and wonders when she’s going to cry. She feels sad in an almost clinical way.

Camila knows the others must feel the tension. She catches Dinah and Normani exchanging a look when they’re putting their things in the car. She honestly can’t find it in herself to care. She sits as far away from Lauren as the small car allows and closes her eyes as soon as they hit the highway.

Camila hates it. Hates being in a place that is so _Lauren_.

*

Camila finds out that she cries as soon as she’s alone. When Lauren drops her off at home and her parents have finally stopped hugging her and asking her questions. When she’s up in her room and no one is around anymore, the tears come. Camila doesn’t think she’s ever cried this much. It’s the first time she cries over Lauren and it feels all _wrong_.

*

She ends up crying about Lauren a lot of other times as well. When they go back to school, everything is supposed to go back to normal. For the larger part, it does. They have lunch with the five of them every day. Camila still has history with Dinah and Normani is still her science partner. Ally still hugs her every morning. The difference is Lauren, who ignores her completely now. The difference is Camila, who wishes she could still be falling instead of drowning.

Dinah asks her about it a lot, but Camila only discloses minimal information. She tells her something happened, but not to ask any more because Camila isn’t sure she would be able to handle it. She knows Ally and Normani notice as well. Ally’s hugs seem to last just a second longer these days and Normani’s jokes aren’t nearly as mean as they used to be. Camila feels too drained to really care about it.

*

Three weeks into the semester, it changes again. Camila is just walking through the hallway when Lauren grabs her wrist and pulls her into an empty classroom.

“This is so fucking _lame_.” Lauren exclaims, looking positively desperate. Camila hasn’t heard Lauren speak to her in so long that she can’t even reply at first.

“I miss my friend, Camz. Can we just go back to the way things were?” Camila should absolutely say no. Camila doesn’t even have any fucking idea what’s going on. _Why_ things aren’t the way they were. They haven’t talked about a single thing. But, Camila loves her, so.

“Okay.”

*

They don’t go back to the way things were, really, but they make an effort. When softball season begins, Camila attends the games again. She doesn’t come to every single one anymore, doesn’t do everything she can to be there anymore. She’s there most times, though, and that’s all that matters she thinks.

They go out for ice cream whenever Camila does come. They still talk about most things they used to talk about it, but it doesn’t feel the same to Camila. Camila is afraid things might not ever feel the same. She’s still kind of drowning, but Lauren seems happier and Camila figures drowning _with_ Lauren is better than drowning without her.

*

They have a sleepover, for some reason that Camila can’t remember. There was a reason, though. Lauren explained it all to her. Like she wanted to make it very clear to Camila that she wouldn’t be sleeping over if there wasn’t a perfectly good reason for her to. Camila wants to tell her no, but it’s Lauren and she doesn’t even know how to say no when she’s staring into those green eyes, so.

Lauren and Camila start in separate beds. Well, Camila in her bed and Lauren on a mattress on the floor. As soon as the light turns off, Lauren gets up and waits until Camila lets her slip underneath the covers of her bed. Camila wants to tell her no. She doesn’t. She just lets Lauren cuddle up to her and pretends to fall asleep quickly. Camila isn’t sure how much time has passed when she hears Lauren’s raspy voice, but she’s at least ninety percent sure Lauren thinks she’s asleep.

“I’m in love with you, too.” Lauren whispers it into the night like it’s a secret. Before Camila’s heart can finally, _finally_ come up for air, Lauren continues, “I’m so in love with you, but I’m not as brave as you are. I can’t do this, Camz.” Lauren lets out a bitter chuckle. Camila feels like crying because of the way it sounds. “I was doomed from the start.”

Camila wants to open her eyes and tell Lauren that she’s wrong. She’s so, so, so wrong. But Camila doesn’t want to scare her off and she doesn’t want the rejection, so she keeps her eyes shut and pretends to be asleep.

*

She tells Dinah eventually. Everything. About the stupid diving-board metaphor and everything that happened after. When she’s finished, Dinah is looking at her with wide eyes. For a second, Camila is scared that Dinah is going to think there’s something wrong with her. Then Dinah pulls Camila into a hug and every worry of Camila’s flies right out the window.

“Chancho, I had no idea it was this intense.” Dinah looks so sympathetic when she pulls away that Camila kind of feels like crying again, but she feels like she’s shed enough tears for Lauren Jauregui so she doesn’t.

“Yeah.” Camila says instead.

“But she said she was in love with you, too, right?. That has to count for something. You should talk to her.” Dinah sounds so hopeful that Camila almost smiles. And then she remembers what they’re talking about and that feeling vanishes again.

“You didn’t hear the way she said it. Like being in love with me was the worst thing that ever happened to her or something. I don’t want to hurt her.” Dinah kind of looks at her like she’s grown an extra head, but it doesn’t change Camila’s mind.

“So she’s _scared_. That doesn’t mean you guys can’t make it work. At least promise me you’ll think about it?” It’s an absolutely ridiculous request, considering Camila basically never stops thinking about Lauren, but she nods anyway. Then Dinah hugs her again and Camila loves her _so_ much.

*

Camila guesses it makes sense that it ends on a beach, under the stars. Camila doesn’t even remember how she got here, really. She just remembers a party and she remembers seeing Lauren walk outside and she remembers remembering Dinah’s words. She follows Lauren. She knows Lauren knows Camila’s following her. She doesn’t turn around until they’re a good distance away from the party. Camila can see the fear in Lauren’s eyes, even through the darkness.

“I heard you.” Camila doesn’t really know what else to say, but Lauren seems confused so she clarifies. “I heard you that night when you told me you were in love with me.” Lauren’s eyes widen. Camila wishes her heart would stop beating so quickly. Camila wishes she could step forward, or hold Lauren’s hand or just do _anything_ except stare at her.

“I—I don’t—Okay.” Lauren sounds so lost it hurts Camila in places she didn’t even know she could hurt.

“It’s okay.” Camila tries to take a tiny step forward, but Lauren takes an even larger step back so she doesn’t try again.

“No, it’s not. I can’t—“

“Yes, you can.” Camila interrupts her. Camila feels anticipation in the air. There are so many things unspoken that she doesn’t even know where to start. “You can, Lo. You are not broken. You’re not doomed.” It’s a good start, she figures. It’s something that she would want Lauren to know even if none of this was happening.

“I am.” Lauren looks like she’s thinking. Camila is afraid of it. Is afraid that the longer Lauren spends inside her own head, the further she gets away from Camila, but she can’t get herself to interrupt the green-eyed girl’s thougts.

“ _God,_ Camz, I can’t even commit to a fucking ice cream flavor.” She drags her hand through her hair slowly, chuckling that god-awful self-deprecating chuckle that Camila absolutely fucking _hates_. “What if I stop liking green apple-cheesecake? What if my palette changes? What if yours does?” Camila never thought she would get emotional about ice cream, but here she is. She wants to say it won’t. She wants to say she will always feel this way, but she knows Lauren would never believe her.

“Then it does. But I’ll keep picking my banana flavor until it does.” She doesn’t know if it’s enough. Lauren turns towards the sea, stares out over it as if it will hold the answers she’s looking for. Camila takes a step forwards and she knows Lauren can see her. Lauren doesn’t move away and Camila counts that as a victory. She takes another step and then moves forwards to press her forehead to Lauren’s shoulder blade.

“I love you.” She whispers, breath hitting the back of Lauren’s shirt. It’s a bit of an awkward position, but Camila doesn’t move. She feels Lauren’s shiver all the way down to her toes.

“I love you.” She says again and promises to herself to say it as often as necessary to make Lauren believe her. Lauren takes a tiny step forward, effectively removing Camila’s forehead from her shoulder. For a second everything in Camila freezes. For a second she feels like all of this has been for nothing. That Lauren will go away and she will never pick the same ice cream twice. That she won’t even pick Camila once. But then Lauren has turned around and thrown herself into Camila’s arms. Lauren buries her face into Camila’s neck.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop liking green apple-cheesecake.” Lauren whispers against her skin. Camila thinks this is exactly what coming up for air feels like.

Lauren pulls away from their embrace just a bit, looking deep into Camila’s eyes. She leans forward slowly, hesitantly. It’s almost funny to Camila, that Lauren thinks there is anything Camila would deny her right now.

“I love you.” Lauren whispers against her lips. Camila can’t help but kiss her, then. Lauren kisses her back fervently and Camila pulls back with a grin. Lauren looks panicked for a moment, like she’s afraid she did something wrong.

“Calm down. We have all the time in the world.” Camila doesn’t even know how she’s still talking without stumbling over her words, but she’s _so_ happy she did when she sees the relieved smile on Lauren’s face.

Then Camila kisses her again, softly and slowly and lovingly.

*

It makes sense to Camila that it would end on a beach. Except, it doesn’t really end at all. It feels like everything just kind of restarts. Camila feels the same, but happier. Lauren is the same, but more relaxed. Their friends are the same, they just make fake-barfing noises and sexual innuendos a lot more. Camila doesn’t actually mind. Like, at all. She just loves all of them a lot.

Camila realizes, once she and Lauren have settled into a routine and she’s over the initial shock of not drowning anymore, that Lauren Jauregui definitely does feel the same. Camila has never been so happy in her life that she got a fact wrong.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope this seemed less dumb than I think it does.  
> My tumblr is bigbadwolv.tumblr.com if you want to see me cry over Lauren's eyes or how pretty Normani Kordei is I guess


End file.
